Author Archives: dan g.

27

Dec. ’16

Cerealously Visits the Kellogg’s Archives!

Kellogg's Timeline Wall

Ever heard the phrase “like a kid in a candy store?” Well you should see a cereal and Pop-Tart blogger in Kellogg’s headquarters.

Earlier this month, I was generously invited to tour Kellogg’s command center in Battle Creek, Michigan. And from the minute I stepped into their twinkling castle of brick and glass, I had to resist every urge to swoon head over heels like a ’50s sitcom romantic.

With a colorful Kellogg’s timeline on the wall, a dedicated Eggo Waffle showcase, a 24-hour cereal bar in full view, and an overhead Snap, Crackle, and Pop banner so large it’d put Citizen Kane to shame, this place was pretty much a cereal Xanadu.

But that was just the beginning: as the kind brand marketer and PR representative who led my tour quickly assured me, I would soon be traveling through Kellogg’s past, as well as its present. Continue reading →

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25

Dec. ’16

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from Cerealously!

Crunch Kringle

If you squint, it almost actually looks sort of a little like Santa Claus.

I just wanted to take this chance to formally wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, from both me and ol’ Crunch Kringle up there. I’m eternally thankful for all you readers who make this site worth writing for—especially those of you dedicated enough to check Cerealously on Christmas!

It’s a welcome week of relative relaxation for all of us, but rest assured I’ll be furiously taste testing and tip-tapping within days: from bite-sized Girl Scout cookies to spicy gravel, there are a lot of great cereals on the horizon.

So whether you spend this day making Cap’n Crunch chicken strips,* mowing down gingerbread men, or just chilling by the fire—the coziest oxymoron—make it a merry one. If you need something to read over breakfast, second breakfast, or the much-beloved “midnight breakfast,” here’s a collection of this winter’s hottest reviews so far: some are from me, others are from friends of the site.

Cinnamon Star Crunch

Cap’n Crunch’s Christmas Crunch (2016)

Trader Joe’s Gingerbread Everything (via Junk Banter)

Little Debbie Eggnog and Candy Cane Cake Rolls (via Snack Cellar)

2016’s Hottest Holiday Junk Food (via Dinosaur Dracula)

Krispy Kreme’s “One Day Only” Pumpkin Spiced Glazed Doughnut (via Sometimes Foodie)

*If you do make these, be sure to ship one straight to my P.O. box and/or mouth.

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23

Dec. ’16

“Review:” Cap’n Crunch’s Christmas Crunch Cereal (2016)

Cap'n Crunch's Christmas crunch Cereal Box 2016 Review

It was like the plot of the world’s most surreal holiday special.

Last month, I shared candid photos of 2016’s gorgeously redesigned Christmas Crunch box, with the promise that I’d wait until late December to review it—to build anticipation, Christmas cheer, appetite, etc. My decision not to buy a sleigh’s worth of Christmas Crunch when it was right there in the store’s discount basket proved to be the most foolish thing I’ve done since trading away all my Oreo Cakesters for Bosco breadsticks way back in elementary school lunch time.

Because on December 22nd, driving around in the cloak of darkness while “We Need A Little Christmas” played with bitter accuracy on the radio, I couldn’t find a single box of Cap’n Crunch’s Christmas Crunch in stores!

Several discontented web searches later, I made a desperate phone call to an obscure local grocer who confirmed that they did indeed have a few boxes left. The magical angel who worked customer service even promised to set a box aside for me—I’d wager that he doesn’t hear many late night pleas for red and green breakfast products, so any chance to satisfy a sweaty-sounding dude’s simple, yet stupid Christmas wish was a no-brainer.

And that’s the story of how I ended up with a box of the exact same Christmas cereal I eat every year. Speaking of which, let’s take our spoons out for Ho-Ho-Horatio Magellan Crunch’s holiday classic, shall we? Continue reading →

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21

Dec. ’16

A “Cereal Time” Holiday Viewing Party!

(Update, 12/26: Now that Cereal Time has sadly concluded, I plan to write a tribute to the series soon. Stay tuned!)

Warm the hearth, light up the tree, and fill a bowl of Cap’n Crunch with eggnog (it’s the holidays, you’ve earned it!).

Why? Because we’re unwrapping the four latest video presents in cereal wise man Gabe Fonseca’s YouTube series: Cereal Time! Every Cereal Time episode is stuffed with more fun and nostalgia than a re-gifted fruit cake is stuffed with…who knows what, because I’m not eating it. And this latest series of episodes is sure to make you merrier than a nativity scene salesman who received a surplus shipment of Jesus’s mother figurines.

Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

But enough Biblical puns: let’s have some cereal fun! Continue reading →

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19

Dec. ’16

Spooned & Spotted: New Very Berry Cheerios Flavored with Real Fruit

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOM5h1MgAnI/?taken-by=junkbanter

(Update: We reviewed Very Berry Cheerios!)

This ain’t Cheerios’s first time ’round the berry block.

In fact, it isn’t even their third, fourth, or, fifth. On this teetering cusp of 2016–2017, General Mills new Very Berry Cheerios has hit shelves, and it’s the sixth berry-flavored (arguably the seventh) Cheerios to every grace America’s fruit-loving taste buds. Let’s count ’em off, kids: buckle your seatbelts and grab those lottery numbers, because we’re going back 13 years in time. Continue reading →

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18

Dec. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Dunkin’ Donuts Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Frosted Dunkin' Donuts Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts Box

We were so close.

When Dunkin’ Donuts announced their partnership with Pop-Tarts, I thought it was a no-brainer that we’d get a Jelly Doughnut Pop-Tart, complete with a fried, yeasty crust and a fruity or custardy filling. But alas, my hopes were squeezed cleanly out of me like a Boston Cream doughnut in an industrial vice grip: instead of any Inception-ed “baked good inside of a baked good” flavor, Kellogg’s and Dunkin’ Donuts gave us Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts and Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts.

We were so close that I nearly leaned out an open window and crooned “we could’ve had it all!” in my best Adele voice.

But I won’t complain, because Chocolate Mocha and Vanilla Latte are pretty darn good consolation prizes. And since I already love Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts enough to consider working them into my annual family Christmas card, Chocolate Mocha will surely make me forget about the world’s cruel lack of Cruller-flavored toaster pastries.

At least I hope so. I’ll keep my emergency Adele wig on standby, just in case. Continue reading →

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17

Dec. ’16

Spooned & Spotted: Keebler Cereal with Real Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOH1PZhgUed/?taken-by=junkbanter

I’m Cookie for Keebler Puffs!

Wait a minute, that’s not how that goes, does it? Well either way, this surprise sighting of a Keebler Cereal at a Marc’s grocery store in Ohio still has me going cuckoo with excitement like a varsity jacket-wearing cartoon bird.

Not much is known about the cereal yet. The box promises “Real Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies,” but packaging genuine, fully baked dough spheres made of butter, brown sugar, egg, and chocolate chip seems like a logistical nightmare. I’m not saying I don’t believe in Ernie and Co.’s elven magic, but it seems equally likely that the “Real” in “Real Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies” is just referring to how really really mini they are.

Plus there appear to be plain chocolate spheres alongside the cookie pieces. Are these meant to be brownies? Burnt cookies? Raw E.L. Fudge innards? Only Ernie and a lucky Ohioan breakfast fan know at the moment—the rest of us will have to nibble our Fudge Stripes in anticipation until Keebler Cereal’s full debut.

And speaking of Fudge Stripes, this isn’t Keebler’s first foray into the crunchy cookie game. Their aptly named Keebler Cookie Crunch combined the flavors of Fudge Stripes and Chips Deluxe into a single 2008 cereal. Perhaps this new cereal will take after Keebler’s new Cookie Dough Bites, and every piece will be—dare I say it—actually doughy.

Big thanks to Junk Banter for passing along this news and photo. I’m sure he and I will both be eating enough of this stuff to fill a Hollow Tree soon enough. If you’d like to share a fresh cereal scoop, click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.

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15

Dec. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's Limited Edition Frosted Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts Review – Box

I firmly believe that everyone has a “spirit Pop-Tart.” A spirit Pop-Tart is the specific toaster pastry flavor that represents you on a personal, philosophical, and even spiritual level. A spirit Pop-Tart has bits of your personality baked into every crumb.

While I love assigning other people spirit Pop-Tarts—like I’m some wise breakfast oracle on a Greek mountaintop—I’ve always got mixed readings on what my spirit Tart is. I like to see myself as a Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tart, but others have named me a PB&J Pop-Tart, a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tart, or even a Limited Edition Ice Cream Shoppe Frosted Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tart.

I got tired and hungry just typing that last one.

But the second Kellogg’s announced its partnership with Dunkin’ Donuts—wherein the pair would craft not one, but two (the other’s Chocolate Mocha) new Pop-Tarts inspired by coffee beverages—my friends pointed at me with excitedly, confident that I am a Vanilla Latte Pop-Tart!

I don’t know why they say this, exactly: I like to think it’s because I’m sweet and trendy, but it’s probably because I’m always caffeinated and have a hairdo that looks like freshly frothed milk. Continue reading →

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