05

May. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Frosted Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts

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I have seen into the future, fellow breakfast lovers. And let me tell you, the world of tomorrow is weird.

Get this: in 50 years, all solid foods will be liquids, and all liquid foods will be solids! At dinner, we’ll nibble on chewy orange juice frittata slices for an appetizer, enjoy the hearty and tender roast Coca-Cola main course, and treat ourselves to Grandma’s old fashioned skim milk pie for dessert. Oh, and we’ll wash it all down with glasses of the finest carbonated mutton.

When I asked the flavor wizards of the future how this revolution came about, their answer was unanimous: “It all started with Kellogg’s Frosted Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts!”

That’s right: before me sits a classic beverage in toaster pastry form. Along with their soon-to-come A&W Root Beer and Orange Crush Pop-Tarts, Frosted Pink Lemonade is leading Kellogg’s “Summer of Synesthesia” series (my name, not theirs).

Let’s see if these pastries can make me feel the summer sun as I sit here drenched and cold from a leftover April shower that apparently doesn’t own a darn calendar.

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04

May. ’16

Happy Star Wars Day! New Star Wars Cereal Boxes on the Way from General Mills

*Cue Star Wars opening credits crawl music*

It is a dark time for the Internet. Although Star Wars Day comes every year on May 4th, corporate Twitter accounts from Hostess to Little Caesars continue to nauseatingly repeat the exact same “May the Fourth be with you” joke all across Twitter and Facebook.

Bringing some substance to this dreaded unoriginality, a group of cereal freedom fighters led by General Mills plans to release two new Star Wars Cereal boxes onto cereal shelves, for the aesthetic betterment of pantries everywhere.

The whiny emo Kylo Ren, obsessed with angst and probably old Nirvana albums, graces one of the boxes, while the heroic Rey lights up the other in a dazzling blue that reminds a certain cereal blogger of those awesome Go-Gurt tubes released for the prequels…

For those keeping score at home, there are now exactly enough Star Wars Cereal variants for you to binge eat a different one while binge watching each Star Wars movie: Darth Vader, Yoda, a different Kylo Ren (with his lightsaber), BB-8, and R2-D2 round out the seven total boxes.

Good luck trying to “Catch ‘Em All!”

Whoops, wrong series.

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02

May. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Strawberry Cheerios

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Strawberries.

Forget April showers, May flowers, and June TV re-runs of Austin Powers, because strawberries are the real harbingers of summertime.

Strawberries!

Whether it’s the rosy pink of an artificial strawberry or the screaming scarlet of the real thing, the color of strawberry related things is enough to make my blood run red. Oh, wait…it always does that.

Strawberries!

Even saying the name makes me want to suck down fruity beverages through a curly plastic tube while singing along to “Copacabana,” because nothing’s better than straws and Barry.

Now even Cheerios—one of the most iconic cereal brands out there—has embraced this hero of the season. With gluten-free Limited Edition Strawberry Cheerios, General Mills is once again bringing peace to the breakfast aisle after the tragic discontinuation of Strawberry Yogurt Burst Cheerios in 2013.

We also know that the bread and strawberry butter of General Mills’ strawberry cereal game is still to come with this summer’s Strawberry Tiny Toast, but let’s give Strawberry Cheerios their time in the oat ring-shaped spotlight. Hi ho, Cheerio: let’s-a go!

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30

Apr. ’16

Review: Post Grape-Nuts Flakes

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Oh, Grape-Nuts: you go by many names in my household, from “mouth gravel” to “rugged nuggets.” But most of us just call you “ow!” because the strength of your molar-cracking crunchiness would make the Incredible Hulk blush.

Post must have realized that Grape-Nuts were unfairly lining the pockets of dentists everywhere, which is why we have Grape Nuts Flakes. A “lite” version of original Grape-Nuts (both in terms of texture and calories), these Flakes promise all of the O.G. Grape-Nuts flavor you love with half the number of broken bicuspids.

And for those of you who already hated the taste of Grape-Nuts? Well, these charming barley shavings might still win you over.

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27

Apr. ’16

Review: Cocoa Puffs (Now With 50% More Real Cocoa)

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That’s a bold claim, Cocoa Puffs.

I mean, you could’ve just said “now with more chocolatey taste!” or called the cereal “SUPER Cocoa Puffs,” but you chose to drop some hard stats on us. Exactly 50% more cocoa, eh? Alright, if you say so: I better go 50% more cuckoo for these.

And trust me, I have a pretty refined Cocoa Puffs palate. Cocoa Puffs is one of the first cereals I can remember eating as a young’n. Back in my early grade school days, I ate a bowl every single morning until I got sick of ’em. One day, in fact, I tried a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with chocolate milk instead of regular milk and got quite literally sick, diagnosed with a condition that doctors could classify only as “Chocolardiac Arrest.”

But what didn’t kill me only made me stronger, and now my taste buds are braced and ready to be blown away by a choco-bombshell. Are you ready, Cocoa Puffs?

En garde!

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25

Apr. ’16

Review: Madagascar Cookie Dough-licious Oatmeal from MOM Brands

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Confession time: I am an absolute cookie dough warrior.

I don’t even like baked chocolate chip cookies that much (oatmeal raisin has my heart), because I’d much rather eat an entire bowl of raw, doughy goodness than watch it all go to waste in an oven.

If I’m killed by salmonella some day, then you’ll know I died happy.

That’s why it saddens me to see virtually zero chocolate chip cookie dough representation in the cereal aisle. Sure, we have Cookie Crisp, but until General Mills creates a “Dough Ball Crisp” spin-off flavor, I won’t be satisfied.

Thankfully, oatmeal has Doughboys like me covered. As part of MOM (aka Malt-O-Meal) Brands’ recent Dreamworks movie revitalization line, we have Cookie Dough-licious oatmeal. This Madagascar branded oatmeal is one of three Dreamworks flavors, alongside Shrek‘s Ogre Apple Cinnamon and How to Train Your Dragon‘s Dragonberry.

Shrek’s too big of a meme, Dragonberry doesn’t actually contain any dragonfruit, and Madagascar already impressed me with its s’mores cereal, so it was a no brainer that I should pick this oatmeal over the others.

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23

Apr. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats

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Strawberry season is nigh!

So while we wait for me to track down those new Strawberry Cheerios, while we wait a little longer for this summer’s Strawberry Tiny Toast, and while we wait even longer for Franken Berry to awaken from his 11 month hibernation, let’s start with a classic strawberry appetizer!

Kellogg’s Strawberry Frosted Mini-Wheats has been around for a long time. In fact, some historians claim this cereal predates the strawberry fruit itself.

We don’t take those historians very seriously.

But since Strawberry Mini-Wheats have long graced the breakfast aisle alongside compatriots like Blueberry, Maple Brown Sugar, and Original, they must be pretty darn good, right? Let’s revisit them and find out.

After all, I can’t resist any opportunity to lick hot pink frosting off of things. Somewhere out there is a veritable zoo of naked Keebler Frosted Animal Cookies.

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20

Apr. ’16

Spooned & Spotted: Kellogg’s Frosted Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts

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Well that didn’t take long!

Just two days ago, we shared a picture of Kellogg’s upcoming A&W Root Beer flavored Pop-Tarts. Our source for that photo, reader and redditor /u/boyfoster, claimed that Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts were on the way, too.

And now we have visual proof of that wonderful fact, as boyfoster sent in this frame-worthy snapshot of a Caramel Apple tart.

With that classic golden Pop-Tart crust, a light brown frosting, and a goofy dancing troupe of iced neon green gummy worm-esque squiggles on top, these pastries are fun to look at. Based on this photo, the filling appears to be banded, too, with alternating ribbons of light and dark brown.

No word on a release date for these yet. But since autumn is a prime time for apple picking, apple bobbing, and using Apple iPhones to take selfies of ourselves baking apple pie with Grandma, I’d guess we’ll be seeing these Pop-Tarts this fall.

Pop-Tarts has already proven that they can make a mean caramel treat, so I can’t wait to try these. Just one question, though:

Where are the Salted Caramel Pop-Tarts?

Thanks again, boyfoster! To all readers who would like to see their picture or thoughts featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post, head over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.

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