Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca: Cracklin’ Oat Bran and New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cereals

Quick: does the word “bran” fill you with a sense of fear, loathing, and disgust? If you answered “yes,” then you might be one of the many anti-branners out there who spurns cereals like Bran Flakes and Raisin Bran for being bland and boring.

As seen in the cereal’s first advertising campaign, Cracklin’ Oat Bran was made for such bran banners back in 1977. This is just one of the interesting historical factoids you can expect from cereal ninja Gabe Fonseca, who has two new episodes in his fun and informational Cereal Time YouTube series that we’d like to share with you.

There’s only one thing more addicting than watching Cereal Time, and that’s popping squares of Cracklin’ Oat Bran into your mouth like Macklemore pops tags (that’s the most modern reference I’ll make on this site, so enjoy it). That’s why it’s so appropriate that Cereal Time finally has an episode dedicated to these uniquely shaped and textured oat squares. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cereal time, general mills, kelloggs. Leave a comment

Apr. ’16

Review: Sweet Home Farm Pumpkin Flax Granola

Pumpkin season might be over, but flax season has just begun! Get ready for Flax Spice Lattes, Flax-scented hand soap, and flax-o-lantern seed carving contests.

Okay, I definitely just made up “flax season” for the purposes of this review, but it makes sense. If we eat healthy things with flax in them now, when it’s time for summer barbecues and pool lounging, we can feel justified in going Kobayashi on a pack of hot dogs.

How does that old saying go? Oh yeah:

“April flax brings Lay’s Stax!”

Flax isn’t the most common things to find in the breakfast aisle, especially outside of Canada, but if you’re feeling the need for seed, Sweet Home Farm has you covered with their Pumpkin Flax granola.

I’m definitely going to try it: half because I want to, and half because my hand won’t fit any deeper into my can of Lay’s Stax.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, attune foods, granola, pumpkin, sweet home farm. Leave a comment

Mar. ’16

Review: Honey Nut M&M’s (Flavor Vote)

I know: these M&M’s are not a cereal.

And despite all the bowlfuls of M&M’s Minis I’ve sucked down over the years, M&M’s never have been a cereal, either.

But before you report me to the cops for reviewing something on this blog wholly unrelated to breakfast, hear me out. When I say “Honey Nut,” what’s the first snack you think of?

If you said anything but “Honey Nut Cheerios,” maybe those cops should be on the lookout for a pair of pants on fire instead. Yeah, yeah, there are other acceptable answers, like Honey Nut Shredded Wheat and Honey Nut Chex, but my point still stands:

Breakfast cereal runs the Honey Nut game, so a new Honey Nut M&M’s flavor should be legally considered a cereal, just like how pizza can legally be considered a vegetable.

Whether you agree with me or not, I’m gonna review these bad boys. And whether your eyes are ready for it or not, I’m even gonna try them with milk.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, honey, non cereal. 8 Comments

Mar. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats Chocolate Little Bites

Chocolate Little Bites are the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats flavor ever made.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did I spoil the verdict of this review by saying that? Oops. I guess I was just distracted by the fact that these are the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats ever made.

I typically review new cereals on this blog, but I always make exceptions for exceptional “classic” cereals. And the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats ever made certainly qualify as exceptional.

These chocolatey cuboids are part of Frosted Mini-Wheats’ Little Bites line, which adorably miniaturize the brand’s normal sized Mini-Wheats. But “normal” Mini-Wheats are already a smaller version of Kellogg’s original, much larger Mini-Wheats, which debuted in 1972.

Confused yet? I know I am. Now I’m just wondering whether Kellogg’s plans to release a line of Frosted Micro-Wheats that we’ll need a magnifying glass and tweezers to eat. Or maybe they’ll just pull a switcheroo and release Monster-Wheats, which require us to consult a real estate agent before every spoonful.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, mini-wheats. 8 Comments

Mar. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Batman vs. Superman Rice Krispies Treats

Superman stands confidently, his hands on his hips and his feet floating some six inches off the ground. “I’m the Son of Krypton, the Man of Steel! I’m impervious to bullets and faster than a speeding one. You’re only a man. How can you ever hope to stop me?”

Batman’s eyes glow as he pulls a glimmering, foil-wrapped rectangle from his utility belt. “With Rice Krispies Treats.”

Superman scorches the Krispies into dust with a blink of his heat vision.

Batman looks defeated. “Damn, I packed that for my snack! You better not melt my Capri-Sun and Ziploc baggie of Oreos, too.”

It should come as a surprise to no one that instead of going out to watch the new Batman vs. Superman movie, I’m indoors writing terrible fan fiction about this box of BvS branded Rice Krispies Treats. Each treat comes adorably wrapped and ready for parents to pack for school lunches (uh, sorry about that one, Bruce Wayne). The Treats are adorned with rainbow “candy coated chocolate pieces,” but for Batman’s sake, we’d better hope the green pieces are made of Kryptonite.

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Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 5 rating, cereal bar, kelloggs, non cereal, rice krispies. 1 Comment

Mar. ’16

Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cereal

Fans of edible, crunchy cartoon heads: rejoice!

That’s right, General Mills’ new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles joins the proud lineage of cereals shaped like grinning faces, which includes Kaboom, Cabbage Patch Kids Cereal, and even another Canada-exclusive TMNT cereal from back in the day.

There’s something about carnivorously devouring cereal smileys that’s sadistically satisfying. It’s probably the fact that these faces tend to be nightmarishly creepy, so pulverizing them with a molar guillotine feels like I’m doing the world a service.

General Mills surprisingly dropped this TMNT cereal on shelves without any announcement, like a heroes in a half-shell bombshell. I’m not upset, though: walking into the supermarket and seeing this cereal was like finding a prize at the bottom of a cereal box…except in this case the box was the prize.

That sentence made no sense, so let’s just dive—or maybe ninja flip—right into the review.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, general mills. 13 Comments

Mar. ’16

Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca: Nut & Honey Crunch and Cröonchy Stars Cereal

*Raises right hand*

I, Dan G. of Cerealously, formally swear to make it through this entire post without making any juvenile “nuts” jokes.

Okay, now that we’ve finished all the formalities, let’s put our honey where our mouth is. It’s that time again: time to share the latest two videos in cereal honcho Gabe Fonseca’s YouTube series. Cereal Time covers a different cereal each week, and each episode is sure to teach you more than your middle school American History class ever did.

The first episode we’d like to share with you covers Kellogg’s Nut & Honey Crunch cereal. Despite the simplicity of its name and ingredients, you’d be surprised just how complicated this cereal’s history is. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cereal time, kelloggs, post. Leave a comment

Mar. ’16

Review: Barbara’s Toasted Oatmeal Flakes Cereal

Toast is a great breakfast food. Oatmeal is a great breakfast food.

But by flinging gobs of oatmeal into your toaster, you can make an even better breakfast food: Toasted Oatmeal Flakes!

(Note: this is probably not how Toasted Oatmeal Flakes are made. This is probably how “Toasted Kitchen Curtains” are made, though.)

Before this weekend, I had no idea that Barbara’s even made a Toasted Oatmeal Flake cereal. In fact, I had no idea that any other cereal producer, other than Trader Joe’s, made Toasted Oatmeal Flakes.

But then I took a trip to one of those weird, slightly skeevy surplus grocery stores that often sells cereals and toaster pastries that are too close to their expiration dates for any major grocery chain to comfortably carry.

It’s where I found Barbara’s Toasted Oatmeal Flakes—and a questionably ancient box of Scooby-Doo cereal, but that’s a story for another day At a price of $1.50 per box, I couldn’t resist trying this cereal, even if it meant possibly eating stale flakes that taste more cardboard-y than the box.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, barbara's. 3 Comments