News: Dippin’ Dots Cereal Returns

Back by unpopular demand, now in a perennially putrid flavor! Seriously, I’m not trying to be rude, but if you asked me to guess which discontinued cereal would be getting a 2021 reboot, I’d probably die of natural causes before even remembering Dippin’ Dots Cereal ever existed. First released in June 2018, DD Cereal came in Banana Split and Cookies ‘N Cream. They were both extremely boring, and since they only debuted in family-sized boxes, I was left with enough uneaten cereal to stuff an ark’s worth of Beanie Babies.

This new variety, Birthday Cake Dippin’ Dots Cereal, has me the opposite of optimistic—well, maybe “pessimistic” is harsh. How about, “floptimistic”? As I’ve reiterated throughout countless one-note saccharine reviews, birthday cake is borderline impossible to translate into an interesting cereal, and unless this new Dippin’ Dots Cereal is actually sold in the freezer aisle, I have little hope this stuff will break its namesake flavor’s streak of blandly frosted failures.

Cookies ‘N Cream Dippin’ Dots Cereal is also returning, with a “NEW! IMPROVED FLAVOR.” However, based on the box art so far, it looks like this iteration of DD Cereal has removed the crispy coated clusters, which were the only freakin’ good part about Dippin’ Dots Cereal in the first place!

That said, it’s too soon to pass definitive judgement, because these are clearly still concept boxes—you can tell because Birthday Cake is described as a multigrain cereal, while CnC is described as corn with real cocoa. I think I scream for everyone when I say it better be the former.

Regardless, these new and/or improved Dippin’ Dots Cereals should be releasing in the coming months. You can already enter an online sweepstakes for a chance to win free Dippin’ Dots for a year, which may very well be the only good thing that could come out of this cereal’s revival.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: birthday cake, cookies and cream, news. 2 Comments

Apr. ’21

News: Carvel Crunchies Cereal

Ice cream franchise Carvel has always been a nostalgic brand. I mean, Fudgie the Whale and Cookie Puss are basically eternal bastions of the good ol’ days. The Batman and Superman of ice cream cakes. The Godzilla and Kong of wistfulness. The Dialga and Palkia of retrospective sentimentality. I could go on.

Part of what makes Carvel so beloved are their Crunchies. These bits of crumbled-up cookie are coated in chocolate sauce, and Carvel scatters them generously atop and between their cakes’ many delicately dairied layers.

And now, Carvel is cashing in on Crunchies’ cult appeal with a super-limited Crunchies Cereal. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to find the stuff in any supermarkets. Rather, from April 16th through the 18th, the first 150 people to make a purchase at each Carvel location will get a box of Crunchies Cereal. If we interpret that as 450 boxes per location—of which Carvel claims to run over 400, we’re talking somewhere in the ballpark of 180,000 Carvel Crunchies Cereal boxes in existence. Which sounds like a lot, honestly, but I’m still betting these will go fast.

I’ll try my best to get my cone-gripping mitts on a box to review, but no promises. Though, speaking of cones, maybe the next ice cream novelty to deserve a cereal would be Muddy Bites. I’d happily pierce my palate with those like a slain medieval dragon!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate. 1 Comment

Apr. ’21

Review: Peanut Butter Schoolyard Snacks

If there’ve been two themes in my pantry lately, it’s pouches and “grown-up” cereals. Between paltry serving sizes and keto fails, these haven’t been all that exciting, either.

So instead of reciprocally indulging in a mixing bowl of chocolate-syrup-slathered Cosmic Brownie bites—there’ll be plenty of time for that later—why not double down with a grown-up pouched cereal? A regular kangaroo of a breakfast, if you will.

Now, Schoolyard Snacks—formerly known as Cereal School—isn’t really an adult-stomached new kid on the block. But they offered to send me a sample of their Peanut Butter cereal variety, and in the interest of healthier cereal completionism, here we are.

With that, I’ll again clarify that I don’t follow a keto diet by any starchy stretch of the imagination. Therefore, my taste buds aren’t all-that attuned to alternative ingredients like those in Peanut Butter Schoolyard Snacks. However, having tried a fair number of adult cereals now, I feel I can give a reasoned perspective on how this release compares to other brands in the keto-sphere.

In short, if your palate is used to keto foodstuffs, then just add 2 points to whatever score I give these at the end. Now, lend me your eyes and stomach, dear reader: class is in session. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: peanut butter. 2 Comments

Apr. ’21

Bite-Sized Reviews: Chocolate Honeycomb Big Bites & Caramel Popcorn Chocolate Toast Crunch Remix

Did someone order fast food? Because I’m back with a quick, drive-through tweet reviews of two new cereal pouches in my pantry that aren’t quite substantial enough to chew over for the full length of a blog post. Chocolate Honeycomb Big Bites are now on shelves alongside regular, honey Big Bites, while Chocolate Toast Crunch Remix has debuted with Cinnamon Toast Crunch Remix and Golden Grahams S’Mores Remix.

Do note, that for fans of my full-length reviews, I’ll be posting more soon once a) I clear up my review backlog and b) my wild whirlwind life passes this hectic phase. Keep it crunchy, folks!

BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Chocolate Honeycomb Big Bites have no reason to be pouched. There's like 3 bowls' worth in this, the pieces are barely bigger than normal HC, plus they're only alright. Mid-grade cocoa powder flavor that beats Cosmic Brownie Cereal, but not Chocolate Eggo. pic.twitter.com/IrjxrS7oei

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) April 2, 2021

BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Choco-Caramel Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the most interesting of GM's 3 pouched Remixes. The cereal pieces are alright, but caramel corn MAKES this, with its buttery sweetness & golden milk-proof armor proving popcorn deserves a place in a real full-sized cereal. pic.twitter.com/JOkDktO9ED

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) April 2, 2021

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: caramel, chocolate, general mills, honeycomb, post, toast crunch. Leave a comment

Mar. ’21

Review: Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies Cereal

Today I learned, thanks to the fun factoids on the back of my this cereal box, that Cosmic Brownies were named after the cosmic bowling fad—and not, in fact, after the deadly sprinkled Fudgenaut asteroid that killed the dinosaurs (they’re like dogs and can’t have chocolate).

Well, while my world has been turned upside-down like ten struck pins, I can at least sooth my addled mind with a bowl of Cosmic Brownies Cereal. Though this sequel to Oatmeal Cream Pies Cereal isn’t fully hitting stores until May, I was lucky enough to get an early sample, so I can advise you whether to buy it, or whether to just cram a real Cosmic Brownie into your Slap Chop. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: chocolate, kellogg's. 1 Comment

Mar. ’21

Bite-Sized Reviews: Kellogg’s Smorz & Cinnabon Jumbo Snax

I’ve got a lot of stuff in my pantry, and with the whirlwind that is my life lately, I can’t get around to giving everything 600 words’ worth of reviewing. So for these two new Jumbo Snax varieties, I figured I’d just tweet out my fast & furious thoughts. After all, the amount of time it takes to read a tweet is about how long it takes to finish a Jumbo Snax pouch.

BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Kellogg's Smorz Jumbo Snax are good! Spot-on for the cereal and I like combining the graham & chocolate components in one piece. With how sweet cereal is, I prefer this consistent taste to having filler marshmallows. pic.twitter.com/KVTRdMKg3z

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) March 28, 2021

BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Boy, I don't know how they messed up Cinnabon Jumbo Snax this bad. First of all, I only got this many pieces.

But worse, these taste….botched? Too sickly sweet, weirdly over caramelized, oily and almost burnt? Talk about a vicious spiral pic.twitter.com/L0QLWUtzJg

— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) March 29, 2021

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: cinnamon, kellogg's, s'mores. 1 Comment

Mar. ’21

News: Apple Cinnamon Chex

And the hits keep coming! From Lucky Charms Clusters to a whole cluster of new Pop-Tarts, it’s been a big week for breakfast news—almost entirely because Midwest grocer Meijer put up early website listings for them. While I’m not sure how the big cereal execs feel about these leaks, I’m certainly not complaining: saves me from having to get seedy back-alley snack news from the same guy who told me Doritos would be releasing pentagram-shaped Diablitos.

The latest new cereal find is Apple Cinnamon Chex. I won’t say this is the most exciting news—between Apple Jacks and Cheerios, the apples & cinnamon game is pretty well covered—but since Honey Bunches of Oats discontinued their superb A&C edition to replace it with the also-solid Apple Caramel Crunch, I suppose there’s room in the cereal aisle for Chex to make a go at it, too.

My main gripe is that General Mills chose a Rice Chex base for this. It worked alright in Blueberry Chex, but rice is just such a light and flavorless base that it was a real pleasant surprise to try deeply toasted Peanut Butter (Corn) Chex. It may sound odd for me to endorse corn-based cereals, since I tend to denounce them in every other article, but until the day GM drops an Oat Chex, I’ll keep rallying for the richer of two base grains.

Either way, Apple Cinnamon Chex should be releasing within the next couple months.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: apple, chex, cinnamon, general mills. 2 Comments

Mar. ’21

News: JoJo Siwa Strawberry Bop Cereal

ゴゴゴゴ Nani?? ゴゴゴゴ

Wait, wait: wrong JoJo. I tend to do that a lot, especially since I’ve always wanted a JoJo’s Bizarre Cereal with crunchy cherry arrowheads. But no, a different fruit is at play in this cereal collab with youngsters’ favorite singer/dancer/internet personality/marketing force to be reckoned with. I’ll admit I know precious little about JoJo Siwa—you think there’s room between the cereal factoids in my pantry-sized brain for such knowledge?—so I’m not all that excited for her Strawberry Bop cereal.

After all, the last licensed General Mills cereal to feature strawberry, Shopkins Cutie O’s, was so aromatically potent it could down passing aircraft. If this were Kellogg’s, on the other hand, I’d have a little more hope, since their strawberry Disney Princess Cereal was above average and made use of a better-than-corn multigrain base.

Oh well: if nothing else, the fact that this is a Nickelodeon branded box may mean we could finally get a new Garfield Cereal someday. It just better be made with spherical lasagna noodles.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: general mills, licensed, news, strawberry. 4 Comments