It’s perfectly normal for a grown man to stress-sweat over diacritic placement, right? I remember when Pokémon first arrived on U.S. shores, and no one could figure out what to do with that funky mark over the e. Then a generation of kids learned to use hexadecimal code on our LiveJournals and all was right with the world. Well, what’s old is new again with the drop of this (figurative and literal) loot box. Blizzard has teamed up with Kellogg’s to extrude a veritable Winston of a cereal.

He’s a super-intelligent gorilla. It’s a genetic engineering joke.

And while the character’s vowel woes are only just beginning, I have to express a personal appreciation for the lack of incorrect apostrophe here. Ever wonder what happens to literature majors who manage to land a summer internship with Kellogg’s? Apparently they get to name cereals. Good on you for not going the Honey Oh’s route, anonymous typist! And we didn’t even have to sit through a diatribe about postmodern travel literature to enjoy it.

The promotion is fairly straightforward: buy a box of Lucio-Ohs (see, we’ve dropped the accent mark already because convenience… and search engines) and upload a photo of your receipt to the Kellogg’s website to receive an extra in-game loot boost. With normal loot coming at $2/box, it’s not the most cost-sensitive way to up your chances at anything legendary. As the man says, though, sometimes you’ve got to give yourself to the rhythm.

Speaking of which, Lucio is hardly an intuitive choice. We’ll probably never find out how the decision was made, and that means every night for the rest of my life I have to stare at the ceiling, wondering what Caramel Wrecking Balls might have been. Instead, the loops here are seemingly meant to represent sonic waves. Per Lucio’s default color scheme and Brazilian nationality (perhaps making him the most diverse cereal mascot on shelves at present), they’re yellow and green, so of course that means a rare lemon-lime cereal. Continue reading →