Tag Archives: Hostess

Review: Hostess Twinkies Cereal

There is a new cereal dichotomy blooming before our very tongues. If it comes to civil war, whose side will you be on?

The monolithic masses of the Kellogg’s Krusaders, their defenses made impenetrable and especially unpalatable by pounds of cushiony, bland corn ‘n’ sugar rings?

Or the silent-but-growing cabal of crunchily dusted Powdered Paladins, whose cereals are equally sweet, but, you know, actually good?

Yeah, the choice is pretty obvious: with the Economically Chintzy Empire, we get Baby Sharks and celebratory man-birds. Neither is fit for battle—unless Kellogg’s brings in a Caticorn that’s actually equine in stature—against the trustiest, dustiest and most delectable division led by Powdered Donettes Cereal, with Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch and Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios as its right- and left-hand confidants. Honestly: if you did a cross-comparison between Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch and Kellogg’s Elf on the Shelf Sugar Cookie Cereal, you’d find a certain starry sugar-corn Rehash in the Trash, where it so boldly and brashly deserves to be.

I also know that overly flavor-powdered cereals can be divisive, as revealed by the internet’s violently split opinion on Frosted G.O.A.T.nettes—err, I mean Donettes, of course. So will this camp be pleased or feel sucker-punched by Twinkies Cereal, the latest dusted cake-crop in Hostess’ Cereal line? The answer is only a bowlful of crème larvae away: Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, Hostess, post. 1 Comment

Oct. ’19

Spooned & Spotted: Hostess Twinkies Cereal

Somebody call Cap’n Crunch, because there are some new golden doubloons hitting the breakfast table.

For the past three months, “Twinkies Cereal” has been phantasmically dancing atop the tongues of cereal lovers like Twinkie the Kid at whatever spectral square-dance they send brand mascots to to purgatorily pass time in between discontinuations. Sure, we’ve seen the theoretical box for a while, but Post has a (recent) history of leaking cereal ideas that never end up amounting to anything.

Stay gold, Teddy Grahams Cereal. Stay golder than a Golden Graham.

But any doubt about these crunchy golden sponge-cakelets can finally be put to rest (in the family plot, between Fruit Pie the Magician and Happy Ho Ho). Thanks to continued correspondent Devin, we now have clear optics on the fully produced cereal itself, meaning it’s rapidly approaching release. And while it certainly looks just about how you’d expect—tragically, without the tiny, cream-stuffed exhaust holes on the bottom—Devin also provided his synopsis of the flavor:

“Tastes a lot like the Donettes cereal. The cereal itself seems familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it…”

With a forecast that titillating, I now feel I must steel my taste buds to try and recognize any arcane analogues. Here’s hoping it’s closer to “bowl full of mini Golden Oreos” than “bowl full of Golden Oreo O’s.”

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: Hostess, post, spooned & spotted. 2 Comments

Jul. ’19

News: Hostess Twinkies Cereal is Coming Soon!

Nope, I’m not Kid-ding: the mild, mild spongecake west’s fastest creamslinger is having a litter of amoebic children!

Thanks to /r/YukiHase on Reddit, we now know that Twinkies will be the next titan of the gas station snack aisle to become a Post-produced Hostess Cereal. Twinkies would arguably have been the more obvious choice for the first wave—not to discredit the fine, fine work of our nation’s honorably Honeyed Buns and elite corps of Powderiest Donettes. But better late than never, I suppose—though the pressure is now squarely on this cylindrical Twinkies Cereal to live up to the high standards set by its caked contemporaries.

All we know about Twinkies Cereal thus far is a) they look like undusted Cheetos Puffs and b) they probably aren’t creme-filled, as they should be, and c) Twinkie the Kid is worryingly absent from the whole affair. I get that many Hostess mascots have crossed the Rainbow Funfetti Bridge, but T the K has been Hostess’ ride or die frontman, even through the bakery’s brief sabbatical in bankrupt purgatory.

(I hear, in limbo, they suck the soulcream straight outta the three holes in your back!)

As Twinkies do, they’ve taken me deliriously off track. Unfortunately there’s not much else to say about Twinkies Cereal just yet—unless we’re guessing which cake comes next.

Cupcake? Too obvious. Snowballs? Too controversial. No, I hope it’s Peanut Butter Ho Hos or White Fudge Ding Dongs….or both, monstrously spliced together.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: Hostess, post. 3 Comments