There are at least two-dozen frowning emojis, but even all twenty-four of ’em wallowing at once wouldn’t be enough to express my grave displeasure with Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters cereal. This is a disappointment two years in the making, and despite my usually charitable attitude toward reviewing cereals, I’m fully prepared to tear into this cereal with the unrestrained vigor of a three-drinks-deep Comedy Central Roastmaster.
Yeah, you heard me: no more Mr. Rice Guy.
Because that’s the core problem with these Lucky Charms, after all. “Lucky Charms Crispy Rice Clusters” was first rumored in 2019, and it seemed like an auspicious rainbow sent from above. See, not long before this 2019 leak, Kellogg’s changed the recipe for Rice Krispies Treats Cereal from its beloved crispy rice clusters into a sad facsimile of Frosted Krispies and marbits. Lucky Charms Crispy Rice Clusters appeared to restore this lost glory, but sometime during the two years that followed, this shooting star of hope fizzled into a star-crossed flub.
What was once a clustered-rice cereal concept has debuted as the bizarre mishmash of puffed corn and rice I’m reviewing today. With its tragic origin story out of the way, it’s time for me to dissect Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters with a particularly pointed spoon.
You’ve probably heard of “negative calorie foods” like celery—allegedly so nutritionally light it takes more energy to digest them than they’re worth. Well, such foodstuffs are said to be mythic, but I’m convinced Lucky Charms with Marshmallow Clusters, despite its sugar content, is a “negative cereal,” as eating this stuff makes me so angry I can feel each little grain cluster inside me, sublimating into brain steam.
If there’s one good thing I can say about these oddly amalgamated spheroids, it’s that they’re incredibly crunchy—I’m talkin’ “did I just pop a molar?” levels of crunch volume. But that’s it. Simply put, these pieces, which are supposed to be Lucky Charms Marshmallow Cluster’s breakfast backbone, don’t taste like anything. Sure, there’s a slick gloss of one-note sugar on top, but beneath that is the Stupid Sexy Flanders of cereals, in that it feels like I’m eating nothin’ at all…
…nothin’ at all…
….nothin’ at all!
In an ordinary cereal, marshmallows can introduce a fun, accenting pop of creaminess to what is usually a heartier and more interesting base. But this cereal’s namesake Marshmallow Clusters set a nonexistent baseline for enthusiasm, so there’s too much pressure on the marbits to make LCMC interesting. When all you can taste in a spoonful of this stuff is snappy sucrose, it gets old fast. It’s like watching only the first three minutes of Pixar’s Up over and over again, indulging in the fluff and innocence while avoiding any emotion or depth.
Speaking of depth, your best bet at getting the scarcest sliver of enjoyment out of Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters is by eating it with milk. As a creamy cousin of sorts to marshmallow, milk is able to tease out a little bit of golden toasted corniness from the clusters—just barely elevating them from the bland basement of negative fun to a sparse lobby that’s not entirely tasteless, but it sure ain’t tasty, either.
I can’t really recommend Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters to anyone, unless you’re looking for aesthetically pleasing packing peanuts. You know a cereal’s boring when even the compound sugariness of Lucky Charms Frosted Flakes brings more nuance to the breakfast table. Regular Lucky Charms are good because the vacuous marbits are grounded by rich and dense oats, so when you swap the latter for a crunchier (somehow less flavorful) version of the former, you’re left with something so plainly sweet, even a fairy farmer wouldn’t put them in his unicorn’s feedbag. I sincerely, honestly don’t know how Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters made it past the taste-testing phase, and I sincerely, honestly have no idea how I’m going to finish this box.
Oh well. Maybe if I leave it in my pantry long enough, it’ll ferment into tie-dyed simple syrup.
The Bowl: Lucky Charms Marshmallow Clusters
The Breakdown: Blander than eating a whole loaf of white bread—packaging, twist tie and all—this magically malicious cereal should’ve remained a rumor.
The Bottom Line: 1 marshmallow cluster-shuck out of 10
Yes agree so disappointing. Didn’t even realize I hadn’t got regular lucky charms when I bought the box. Opened it and thought I had picked up the wrong cereal, then read the front, oooh. So to the cereal itself, there are way fewer marshmallows and I can’t even taste them over the super large bites of whatever the other “clumps” are that scratch your mouth. I ate the marshmallows and left about half a bowl of the other stuff. I want my money back…
I can’t believe the bad reviews these are soooooo good!!! I am so obsessed with these! The definitely remind me of the rice crispy tray cereal but with marshmallows! I am always craving this at night! Yes it does scratch the roof of my mouth but so many other cereals do too. Don’t like it don’t eat it🤷🏽♀️
Why are the marshmallows saugy even before you put milk in the bowl? It gross!!!!
When I first opened the box and took a bite of one of em I was like ok im about to get an rice crispy treat effect.. Because lately I been looking for it at Walmart and they haven’t been on the shelf..I didn’t know that they were discontinued untill I read buddy comments and reviews… Wow this is the hardest cereal I have ever tasted in my entirety..Lucky Charms tried the game with this one..I wouldn’t know what a rock felt or tasted like but I am assuming this must be the feeling..I was excited looking at the box cause I was like oh they going rice with it.. I want my little 4 dollars back smh
I love this cereal
Original Lucky Charms is my all-time favorite cereal…but this “cluster” stuff? NOOOO! And let’s stop where things are important! I need a 50-50 ratio of cereal to marshmallow goodness. There are so few marshmallows! This cereal sucks! It’s like Captain Crunch raped Lucky Charms! Yuck!
In my head I could just hear Flanders say, “It’s like I’m wearing nothin at all, nothin at all, nothin at all.” And then I got the visual lol.
I really wish I’d read this review before making a special trip to Wal-Mart to buy a box because THIS CEREAL SUCKS.
Be forewarned: Those are absolutely NOT Rice Krispy Treats Cereal pieces – far, far, far from it. They are actually nothing like good old RKTC, which is one of my all time favorites. So if that’s what you’re hoping for, like I was, you will 200% be disappointed. However, if you’re into the idea of less crunchy, lighter texture, off-brand Cap’n Crunch that’s less sweet and less tasty and will still turn the roof of your mouth into shredded beef, you are in luck.
Also it seems like there are somehow way less marshmallows?? I want my regular old sweetened oat shapes back 🙁 How will I ever finish this box? I hate it!
Update! I tried it. I owe Libby an apology! Yucky. Texture is same as all GM corn cereals, despite allegedly having rice in the mix.
Marshmallow flavor was slim to none.
Bad cereal! In the trash it goes– Team Cheerios is next on my agenda. I am much more optimistic.
I will still try this, Maximus605 convinced me, and I trust him to not be a General Mills operative.
I know I will hate it, and I will likely rage when I imagine how much better it would have been with the purity of crisped rice.
But nobody can be told how bad some cereals are, you have to taste them for yourself.
Don’t fall prey to it, Jake. These are remarkably bad. Dan put it perfectly when he said they’re nothingness. The sweetness isn’t even satisfying. It tastes like artificial honey.
I’ll never tell. We are but shadows and dust, Jake, shadows and dust.
Shadows and cinnadust.
I usual agree with most reviews here, but this time I gotta disagree 100%. This stuff is killer! For starters, this is easily the best crunch of crispy clusters since Rice Crispy Treats(RIP) saw there untimely demise. Next, I believe there are even more marbits than usual and more marbits is always good. OK I’m just gonna come out and say it…. wait for it, wait for it…..I prefer these over regular Lucky Charms and by leaps and bounds over that dreadful Lucky Charms Frosted Flakes. Yes, I can hear it, social media calling for my mediate removal from the web however I can only say what I feel and what I feel is Luck Charms Marshmallow Clusters is the BEST cereal so far of 2021. I feel much better now that I got that out of my system and I am at peace. Bobba Booey to ya all 🙂
Did you ever have Rice Krispie Treats cereal? If not, you’d never know the depths of how disappointingly flavorless this cereal is. The font on the box teased it as a comeback of that beloved cereal…but with marbits. What we have are regular cereal pieces shaped to look vaguely similar to RKT Cereal. I bought 2 boxes because I was so excited. Can’t even finish 1 box.
that’s such a bummer. thank you for your service in doing this very important work ✨👍👍