Yearly Archives: 2021

News: Shaq & Tony’s Frosted Flakes with Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs

New Shaq Frosted Flakes with Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs

Kazaam. “That’s How I Beat Shaq.” Shaq Fu. And my personal favorite: Soda Shaq. The list of Shaquille O’Neal’s off-the-wall escapades and cross-promotions nearly eclipses his countless on-the-court accomplishments. Between Shaq’s philanthropy and a genial personality as tall as he is, the guy’s just lovable—which is why, when I heard about Shaq’s new Frosted Flakes, my first thought was, “That’s awesome!”

Then my second thought was, “I have no idea who thought this needed to exist, but…it’s awesome!”

And it turns out this cereal, releasing in April, exists for a reason. The out-of-nowhere alley-oop between Shaq and Tony the Tiger will benefit Mission Tiger, which aims to help one million kids get better access to sports.

Beyond its wholesome aims and sugary flavor, Tony & Shaq’s team-up scores points for using the unprecedented phrase “Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs.” Crispy Cinnamon Basketballs. Gets funnier every time I say it.

If I’m nitpicking, I’ll say it’s a little disappointing that these cinnamon puffs didn’t get mixed in with Cinnamon Frosted Flakes for a spicy–sweet double feature. Nevertheless, I’m interested to see how these cinna-spheres spoon when they bounce onto shelves in a couple months.

Now please, universe: bring back Soda Shaq!

News: Caramel Corn Pops

 

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Welp, another one to cross off the “how have they not done this yet?” list. Here’s hoping PB&J Reese’s Puffs, Fluffernutter Reese’s Puffs, and White Chocolate Reese’s Puffs are next.

I…I really like peanut butter combos.

Yes, Caramel Corn Pops seems like an incredibly obvious cereal idea. And yes, it has technically been done before. When Kellogg’s introduced their Jumbo Snax line of supersized snacking cereal pouches last year, there was a caramel-flavored Corn Pops variety—except they bafflingly used puffs (the shape of Canadian Corn Pops) instead of the chewy half-popped lumps we’re used to from the brand.

But now those glorious, squeaky gobs of toasted maize have been caramelized too. With its baseball aesthetic, we can probably surmise that Caramel Corn Pops will hit shelves near or before April 1, the MLB’s 2021 opening day.

Do I think they’ll be good? Hard to say, since Corn Pops has a very scant track record of flavored variants. Besides the Jumbo Snax, I’ve only ever reviewed Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops on this site. And they were only okay. If anything, caramel will probably be a more natural fit.

Now if we’re talking seasonally specific cereal themes, how might we go about getting those PB&J Reese’s Puffs by back-to-school season?

Review: Eggo Chocolate Waffle Cereal

New Chocolate Eggo Cereal Review Box

French toast? One iconic cereal.

Pancakes? Like, half of one cereal.

But waffles? Well they’ve got a whole father, son, & holy ghost type deal going on. Not to mention whatever divine misfire spawned this unsettlingly charming abomination. Yes, waffles are king of the bowled maple breakfast game, probably because they’re a) the most iconic, b) easy to translate into aerated cereal form, and c) the word “waffle” is just infinitely more fun to say. Waffle. Waffle.

It’s like I’m a dog asking to be thrown a whiffle ball!

Since waffles are so (w)awfully awesome, it’s no surprise that we’re getting a third entry into the rebooted Eggo Cereal franchise. Joining Homestyle Maple and Blueberry, Eggo Chocolate Waffle Cereal seems a bit strange when compared to the obvious Chocolate Chip Waffle Cereal they could’ve done, though I suppose I shouldn’t complain that we’re getting 100% chocolate immersion with this one. Or should ? That remains to be seen, tasted, and casually belched as I pat my soon-to-be cereal-swollen stomach.

Enough talk. L’Eggo! Continue reading

Review: Pokémon Berry Bolt Cereal

New Pokémon Cereal Review - Berry Bolt Box

The only thing more legendary than Pokémon video games has gotta be Pokémon foodstuffs. As a collection-based ’90s series that turns kids crazed, it’s no surprise that the popping technicolor likes of Pokémon Pop-Tarts and Eggo Waffles were manufactured in droves—and it’s even less surprising that these nifty little snacks had huge nostalgic impacts. In fact, my own personal obscure favorites when growing up were the Pokémon lollipops my mom would buy me at the pharmacy, each of which came with a sticker.

Also among these licensed gems was the unforgettable Pokémon Cereal. With a solid Lucky Charms imitation as its base, Bowl Pal toys inside and the kind of glimmering box embossment that blows holographic Charizard out of the magma, Pokémon Cereal is a sentimental favorite of countless ’90s kids. And lest we forget the adorable pastel marshmallows—artist Tomodachi makes pins of them and I’ll take every opportunity to promote them.

In short, Pokémon Cereal (and by extension the newly marshmallowed Pokémon: The Movie 2000 Cereal) is a hard act to reboot, since the Pokémania of its Y2K heyday will never be matched. That’s probably why it’s taken two decades and a different brand licensee to get another cereal based on Pokémon. This one’s called Berry Bolt Pokémon Cereal, and while I think the box art is seriously lacking in both embossment and Poké-species diversity, I’m here to, without bias, choo-chew-choose you, Pikachu, to do battle in my bowl. Let’s go! Continue reading

News: Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies Cereal

New Cosmic Brownies Cereal

I knew it.

Well, it wasn’t very hard to know, but I still called Kellogg’s bluff.

See, when news first leaked (like a microwaved Honey Bun) that Kellogg’s and Little Debbie were teaming up to release Oatmeal Creme Pies Cereal, a rumored Cosmic Brownie companion was right there from the start.

This is the video that kicked everything off. Cosmic Brownies Cereal didn’t have box art at the time, so it was easier to overlook, but excitement over the fudgy, rainbow-sprinkled treat’s breakfast adaptation quickly dissolved when Kellogg’s formally announced OCP Cereal and OCP Cereal alone. I even pressed a PR contact about it, only to be told CBC “is not launching at this time.”

So hindsight is 20/20. Reading that, at the time, made me think the idea could’ve gotten axed. But reading it now, it’s so clear this was just PR speak for “we can’t talk about it, but if you read between the lines, yeah it’s coming.”

And let’s thank our lucky supernovas that Cosmic Brownies Cereal is real. Or, well, maybe we shouldn’t judge too soon, because, yes, the box is gorgeous and the rainbow-sprinkled brownie puffs look cute enough to eat at the same suprahuman rate I’d inhale a real Cosmic Brownie—but since the sprinkles likely won’t add much flavor, and the puffs sure don’t look filled Krave style, Cosmic Brownies Cereal will only be as strong as its most cocoa-powdered corn cuboid.

On one hand, General Mills’ similar Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch tasted identical to its spherical sibling, and as a result was kind of disappointing. At the same time, these brownie bites could be closer to the pillowy delights in Smorz Cereal. That would be wonderful!

But this is all speculation, and if I’ve learned one thing as a cereal blogger, it’s that we should expect the big corporations behind a cereal like this to cheap out on ingredient quality, like they so often do. That way, we’re either pleasantly surprised, or right.

Cosmic Brownies Cereal will hit stores this May.

The Empty Bowl Episode Forty-Five: From Strawberries to Jazzberries

Whoa, whoa, chill out, January! Seriously: anyone else having the nuttiest month in recent memory? It seems all the flow of my life has been reaching high tide, so I’m grateful for a chance to seek calmer, milkier waters with you all in a new episode of The Empty Bowl.

Because it isn’t just personal: the breakfast business is coming in hot and heavy for the start of the year—like they always do—and our meditative cereal podcast is just trying to keep up. Join me and Justin in this forty-fifth episode. We cover the newest from Krave, two new kinds of Strawberry Cheerios, and ponder the best way to infuse lavender into your cereal bowl.

Still nursing burns from January’s embers? Spark up another 30-minute brain warmer at our Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one is like a mugful of hot cocoa, melting the snow around my heart.

Review: Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats

New Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats Review Box

BRB, changing the name of my site to Curmudgeonously.

Why? Because the longer I write about cereal, the harder it gets for a new cereal to excite me. Don’t get me wrong, my heart still yearns and burns (figuratively) for cereal, but after reviewing 450+ breakfast products, the next plain ol’ chocolate, vanilla, or cinnamon-flavored cereal has to do a lot different to capture my attention. At a certain point, my trusty cartful of adjectives starts to get stale.

That was my mindset going into this newest flavor of Frosted Mini-Wheats. Not that Cinnamon Roll is really new territory for the brand. There were Cinnamon Streusel Mini-Wheats in 2007, and Cinnamon Roll Little Bites in 2012. The only thing 2021’s Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats have that the others don’t is….a kinda ugly box. The grey-blue is uninspiring, the cinnamon roll watermarks make it look like an off-brand DUPLO, and, well, I’ve already voiced my distaste for the redesigned Mini-Wheats mascot many times.

But all hesitations notwithstanding, I must go into this review unbiased. Even if I want to punt the mascot with a pair of steel-toed boots. Continue reading

Review: Dunkaroos Cereal

New Dunkaroos Cereal Review - Box

When it comes to Saturday mornings and cartoons, cereal is the undisputed king of whimsical childhood nostalgia. But cereal isn’t just one thing. It’s a sesquicentennial constellation of countless different varieties, flavors, and mascots. That’s why it’s so impressive how Dunkaroos, a single snack consisting of vanilla cookies and rainbow frosting for dunking, has amassed about the same nostalgic clout as every cereal combined.

Seriously, look up any list of old comfort foods people want to save from discontinuation and Duncan the Kangaroo will be there in all his totally tubular glory. Of course, unless you’ve been living under the rock-hard mummified remains of vintage ’90s Dunkaroos frosting, you probably already know that Dunkaroos are back, and have been for almost a year now. As part of this Dunkaromantic revival, General Mills has also released Dunkaroos cookie dough, Dunkaroos yogurt, and more—like the confetti-infused cookie discs in the Dunkaroos Cereal I’m reviewing today.

I’ll be honest: I’m hesitant about this stuff to begin with. Vanilla and birthday/confetti cake flavors are notorious for leading to boring, one-note-sweet cereals. Pair that with how similar Dunkaroos looks to GM’s mediocre Funfetti Cereal, and you’ve got a recipe for molar-melting disappointment.

But hey, you never know ’til you dunk, right? Follow along as I go spoon deep. Continue reading