Author Archives: dan g.

21

Feb. ’16

Review: Kashi GoLean Peanut Hemp Crunch Plant-Powered Bar

IMG_4446Imagine this “Choose Your Own Adventure:”

Your eyes jolt open. You feel more rested than usual, and as you look at the clock and experience a mild heart attack, you realize why—you slept through your alarm!

After dancing your way through a frantic shower (no one’ll notice the shampoo still dripping from your ears, right?) and flailing into dress clothes, you’re about ready to leave before you conclude that if you don’t grab some breakfast, your growling stomach might roar you off the side of the road.

Bursting into your pantry, you have three choices:

A) A bowl of Raisin Bran with milk (eaten with one hand on the steering wheel)

B) A slab of bacon (cooked on a portable skillet plugged into your cigarette lighter)

C) A Kashi GoLean Peanut Hemp Crunch Plant-Powered Bar

If you chose A or B, prepare for a tragic “THE END” to your milk-soaked adventure. But if you chose C like me, turn to the next page and we’ll see if our breakfast choice was any more satisfying than a roadside bacon grease third degree burn. Continue reading →

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19

Feb. ’16

Review: Nature Valley Honey Oat Clusters Cereal

IMG_4427Nature Valley is on a hot streak. With the delicious Chocolate Oat Clusters and Baked Oat Bites already under their granola-crumb encrusted belt, will Nature Valley be able to bowl a turkey, score a hat trick, and direct a fitting end to their trilogy of new 2016 cereals?

This box of Honey Oat Clusters holds the answer to that question. When I saw all three new Nature Valley Cereals, this one looked like the boring runt of the litter.

“It’s just a bootleg Honey Bunches of Oats,” said the youthful and ignorant Dan of two months ago. But after eating my first crunchy spoonful of this cereal, one thing has been made abundantly clear:

This ain’t your grandma’s Honey Bunches of Oats!
Continue reading →

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17

Feb. ’16

Cereal Time with Gabe Fonseca: Ghostbusters and Cabbage Patch Kids Cereal

When there’s something cool, in your breakfast pantry…who you gonna call?

Gabe Fonseca!

That’s right, cereal specialist Gabe Fonseca is back with two new videos in his Cereal Time YouTube series that we’d like to share with you. For the unfortunately uninitiated, Cereal Time covers a different retro, obscure, or legendary cereal each week, and each video is chock-full of fun and flavor (you’ll have to imagine the flavor; please don’t pour milk on your keyboard). Continue reading →

Posted by . Categories: Specials. Tags: , . 1 Comment

16

Feb. ’16

News: Three New Cereals on the Way from Annie’s Homegrown

Move over, Trix Rabbit: you aren’t the only bunny in the cereal aisle any more. Annie’s Homegrown and General Mills have just announced the launch of three new USDA certified organic breakfast cereals.

From soup, to yogurt, to crackers, Annie’s has a bigger product line than a litter of rabbits. They even had a larger line of cereal that lasted from 2007-2012. I will say, though, that in my college town, the brand is best known for its legendary and addictive Shells & White Cheddar pasta.

Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately depending on who you are), none of these cereals are mac & cheese flavored. Instead, the three flavors are Berry Bunnies, Cocoa Bunnies, and the conspicuously non-bunny shaped Frosted Oat Flakes.

I can only hope that the bunny cereals taste just like their Bunny Grahams in a bowl, just because I’m so desperate for a spiritual successor to Teddy Grahams Breakfast Bears. At the very least, I can dream that Frosted Oat Flakes will be like a glazed version of the already delicious Trader Joe’s Toasted Oatmeal Flakes.

Regardless of how they taste, when these cereals are released in April, you’d better believe that me and so many others will be “making like rabbits” to go out and try them.

Wait, wait…I don’t think that phrase means what I think it does.

Posted by . Categories: News. Tags: , . 7 Comments

15

Feb. ’16

Review: Sweet Home Farm Maple Pecan Granola

IMG_4393The year is 2066.

The Great Nut Pronunciation Civil War is in its darkest hour. The armies of “pih-cahn” are closing in on the forces of “pee-can.” There was once a small tribe of heretics who insisted it was “pee-khan,” but they were quickly laughed off the battlefield.

Both sides have been assaulted, both have been “a salted,” and the wise delegate Mr. Peanut refuses to mediate. But there is one things both camps can agree on.

Maple syrup glazed pecans taste really, really freaking good.

That being said, would Sweet House Farm’s Maple Pecan Granola be tasty enough to make peace between these fighters? To save our future world from being split in two like peanuts from their shell, I decided to find out. Continue reading →

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13

Feb. ’16

Review: Lucky Charms Marshmallows Only Cereal

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Whether it’s an engagement ring, the One Ring to rule them all, or that darn videotape from The Ring, every so often an object enters your life and changes it forever.

For me, this object wasn’t a ring, but receiving it did make my mouth form into a perfectly round, gasping ring. That’s right: it’s a box of Marshmallows Only Lucky Charms. One of only 10 in existence.

Alright, alright. I should back up a bit. Let’s Tarantino this story before I tear into this mythic box. Continue reading →

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11

Feb. ’16

News: Root Beer and Orange Crush Pop-Tarts Coming Soon?

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Forget frosted orange fudge: I’m ready for frosted Orange Crush!

(UPDATE: I reviewed both flavors: Frosted A&W Root Beer Pop-Tarts and Crush Orange Pop-Tarts!)

Snap! Crackle! Pop!

Nope, I’m not talking about the Rice Krispies mascots. I’m talking about actual soda pop-flavored Pop-Tarts based on popular carbonated drink varieties!

As part of a recent cost-cutting effort dubbed “Project K,” Kellogg’s CEO John Bryant teased root beer and Orange Crush and new pastry flavors. Project K will also lead to a further evolution of the Special K brand towards eating that is “wholesome,” instead of just lower calorie. Project K also sounds like the name of a low-budget alien invasion movie, but that’s beside the point.

In light of recent rumors about Orange Creampop Cap’n Crunch, this might just be a good year for orange-loving breakfast fans.

Let’s just hope these root beer and Orange Crush Pop-Tarts don’t fizzle, because if they succeed, then we’re all one step closer to the Mtn Dew & Doritos flavored Pop-Tarts that I know everyone has been asking for.

 

Info source: Crains Detroit

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11

Feb. ’16

Review: Kellogg’s Special K Nourish Coconut Cranberry Almond Cereal

IMG_4366You put the lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both up
Put the lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both up
Put a lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both up

More beautiful musical poetry has never been written. Aside from making us existentially reconsider the frivolity of our corporeal existences, that song also makes me think about two flavors that are grossly underrepresented on cereal shelves. I mentioned last week how little attention blueberry gets in cereal, but lime and coconut get even less.

Now that Trix has ditched artificial flavors, we’ve lost the only lime cereal pieces I can think of. And with lime Skittles forever replaced by awful green apple, it’s a hard time to be a lime fan. Maybe once we all start getting scurvy, cereal companies will amp up the green citrus.

Coconut doesn’t have it much better. Sure, there’s a little coconut in Cracklin’ Oat Bran, and Cap’n Crunch’s cereal bits may be swimming in coconut oil, but ever since Honey Bunches of Oats Tropical Blends Mango Coconut was discontinued, we’ve had no way to get a good bowl of coconut flakes in the morning.

Well, besides lucky Canadians, who still have Cinnamon Coconut Cheerios Plus. And I suppose any Hawaiian could just grab a cheese grater and a ladder.

But now all of that is changing. The second of two new Special K Nourish varieties, Coconut Cranberry Almond teases game-changing coconut flavor, along with a smorgasbord of other taste sensations. Let’s see how it stacks up. Continue reading →

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