Tag Archives: ice cream

News: Wienerschnitzel Froot Loops Ice Cream & Shake

What is hotdog water, but the cereal endmilk of boiled meat byproduct?

I’ll be frank, I’ve never been to a Wienerschnitzel restaurant before, and after a cursory perusal of their website and its liberal use of phrases like “World’s Most Wanted Wiener” and “#WienerFam,” I’m confident I haven’t missed much. But since the nearest one is a whole state over, I am a bit bummed I won’t be able to try the franchise’s new cereal-infused confections—unless an Illinois-based reader can chuck a perfect-spiral Froot Loops Dipped Cone across the border.

“For a limited time, enjoy a sweet Wienerschnitzel Dipped Cone or Shake bursting with the fruity flavor of Froot Loops cereal,” the release for this partnership reads. While Burger King has already set a strong precedent for fast food Froot Loops shakes, the cone in question captures my interest thanks to its supple swirls and near gravity-defying chunklets of studded Froot Loop. In the midst of dine-in closures everywhere, Wienerschnitzel is vocally proud to offer both these treats through their drive-thru—we can only hope that no window worker is subjected to cabin fever-induced regressions to middle-school ‘pranks’ like cone-ing.

Since I won’t be able to, if you try either of these items, let me know what you think in the comments below or on Twitter. I’ll just be up here, wiener-less in the Mitten, wondering if this means we’ll get savory Froot Links cereal next.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: froot loops, ice cream, non cereal. 1 Comment

Apr. ’20

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch & Lucky Charms Light Ice Cream

I’m putting on my waffle cone chainmail and wielding a shield forged from molten maraschino cherries, because what I’m about to say will no-doubt spark a meltdown in the frozen brains of whole-blooded ice cream diehards everywhere:

I like light ice cream.

Yes, I know it has a lot less authentic milk fat, and I know there’s a certain broad threshold between light ice cream and ‘frozen desserts’ that further muddles the clarity of creamishness involved. But I’m also a grown baby with sensitive teeth and a mild lactose problem, so something soft and tolerably intolerable is a lot more appealing than a brick of pasteurized pain in my gut.

I like to think that Edy’s/Dreyer’s made this pair of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Lucky Charms ice creams light solely so I, their favorite cereal reviewer, could safely discuss them. I know, in reality, that it was a matter of cost, but hey: let me have this fantasy as I go scoop deep into churned versions of General Mills’ two most spun-off cereals. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: general mills, ice cream, lucky charms, non cereal, toast crunch. Leave a comment

Jan. ’20

News: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Ice Cream

Off-brand Cinnamon Toast Crunch ice cream.

Cinnamon Toast Pop-Tarts chilled on a stick.

And now, the real thing? I demand to know the astrological significance of experiencing so many cinnamon-spiced chilly bois in constellation. Will someone I’m close to become hot and cold toward me? Will I be dead by June after a defrosted Crazy Square eats me from the inside like an Antarctic alien?

Whether I’m able to shape-shift into a fleshy spoon in time to eat Edy’s & Dreyer’s new Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Light) Ice Cream, I’m confident it will be a product whose quality is best measured in increments of time: 10 minutes to snarf it down out of 10 hours of lactose-induced remorse.

Thanks to Candy Hunting and The Junk Food Aisle who broke this story (it has since been spotted in stores), we also know there is a Lucky Charms Light Ice Cream debuting in tandem with CTC’s. Though there isn’t a photo yet, I have to imagine it will be an oatmeal ice cream swirled with (hopefully rainbow) marshmallow fluff. The kind of thing that sounds better as a trendy latte.

Because while marshmallow in ice cream is like adding whipped cream to a glass of oat milk, I can at least get excited about melting a Cinnamon Toast Crunch pint over a sieve and refining the cinnamon sugar dust into a handsome necklace.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: cinnamon, general mills, ice cream, toast crunch. Leave a comment

Jan. ’20

News: Good Humor Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts Ice Cream Bars!

Look, I know I’ve always said it’s my dream to one day be credited on Wikipedia for a distinguished contribution to cereal-kind—I’m picturing a front-page New York Times piece on my exhumation of the Lost Tomb of Yummy Mummy. But now I’m starting to think finding a place in Pop-Tarts’ extended mythos might be easier. I can see it now:

“Noted breakfast influencer and Fillows fill-anthropist Bran Goubert [of course I’d change my name for the clout] was the 21st century’s strongest advocate for the freezing of Pop-Tarts, a technique now so commonplace that Kellogg’s has relocated their entire retail pastry inventory between the shredded hash browns and single-serving pot pies.”

Now I know, I know: freezing Pop-Tarts has been a thing for a long time, but I certainly got a lot more flak from toaster troubadours in my early blogging years for explicitly condoning the practice. Maybe I just need to be bolder about my advocacy. Choreograph a Gurdjieffian dance around a giant cooling coil or something.

While I wait for my sluggish notoriety to thaw, I can nevertheless celebrate Pop-Tarts’ latest validation of frozen Pop-Tarts as a concept, ideal and life philosophy. Kellogg’s pastry-smiths have teamed up with the agreeable folks at Good Humor to launch Brown Sugar Cinnamon ~~Ice Cream~~ Technically ‘Dairy Dessert’ Bars. To say I’m excited for this is an understatement, and to say my lactose intolerance disagrees with this excitement would certainly be an easy-to-ignore statement. Given how famous Good Humor’s Strawberry Shortcake Bars already are, it makes sense for them to tackle the brand’s other biggest spokes-Tart. We’re treated here to two layers of (presumably vanilla) and brown sugar cinnamon-infused cow product, but what’s really got me ready to put sole to pavement for these bars is that beautiful gravelly coating.

Looking like the inside of my bag after a brief sojourn to the beach, these crispety-crunchities are almost sure to be what makes these Good Humor Pop-Tarts Bars so good you can taste them in your humerus. As they’re already on Good Humor’s website, these bars should be popping up in stores any time now. Guess it’s time to start parceling out my Lactaid pills until the next ice age—if I tragically can’t go down in Pop-Tartian history, I at least want my tear-diluted dairy delicacies to go down easy.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: cinnamon, ice cream, non cereal, pop-tarts. 2 Comments

Nov. ’19

Review: Target’s Market Pantry Cereal Bowl Ice Cream

Cereal and milk have a deep, cosmic soul bond. This is known.

Naturally, we’ve seen enough cereal-infused milkshakes and ice creams to leave us brain-frozen ’til the cows come home.

But where’s the cerealized justice for other dairy delicacies? Sure, Trix basically defined the cereal–yogurt game so hard that it discouraged all competition and ultimately discontinued itself—except for one place, I guess? But despite my mildly discomforting, yet nevertheless ignored lactose intolerance, I demand more. I want Cocoa Krispies Kefir. Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch Butter. Heck, give me Frosted Flakes Cottage Cheese, I’ll eat it. But only if it’s large curd, of course.

It’s not that I’m tired of cereal-flavored ice cream, it’s just that, in cases like Target’s new store-brand Market Pantry Cereal Bowl Ice Cream, the concept can easily feel uninspired. Like, “oh, this cereal tastes like pieces of bootleg Cinnamon Roast Munch? Gotcha, so it’s Cinnamon Ice Cream.”

Err, maybe I’m not giving enough credit to a potential “cereal milk” factor here. I’d better reserve judgement until I’m doubled over on the couch, looking for the right adjectives in between stomach-garglings more intestinally eviscerating than swallowed mouthwash. No pain, no bloggerly gain! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: cinnamon, ice cream, non cereal. Leave a comment

Jun. ’19

Review: Malt-O-Meal & Cold Stone Creamery’s Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some?

Look, I’m all for cool (especially the literally cool) cereal collaborations, but I’m sensing an ulterior motive with this one.

Malt-O-Meal & Cold Stone Creamery’s Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? is the latest in their ice cream cereal series, after Birthday Cake Remix and Our Strawberry Blonde. And it has to be a secret social experiment by Post (M-O-M’s parent company) to see just how long they can make a cereal’s full, legal name before they drive snacky journalists wacky.

Well to that I say, nice try, but I’ll just turn it into an ugly acronym that actually takes more exertion to craft than typing it out.

So I know I really buried the lead here, but M-O-M&CSCCDYWS? is making a bold statement by claiming it contains cereal pieces actually flavored like cookie dough (while pairing them with marshmallows, but I doubt anyone in today’s marbit-fatigued zeitgeist really cares about that). There’s been little creativity in the chocolate chip cookie cereal scene as of late, ever since Keebler Cereal and its tragically puff-smothered cookie bits keeled over. That’s why there’s a lot riding on Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? to be more than just another Cookie Crisp chaser.

Now that I’ve told my spellcheck’s autocapitalization settings to not even bother, I can answer the in-sentence question Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some? exists to ask:

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, caramel, chocolate, ice cream, malt-o-meal. Leave a comment

Jun. ’19

News: Two New Malt-O-Meal Cookie Cereals!

We interrupt this week’s news blitz of new cookie-flavored and pillow-shaped cereals with something even more exciting: two big honkin’ pillow-sized bags of cookie cereal!

Just as Post is launching Mega Stuf Oreo O’s in bagged form, its subsidiary cereal kilns at Malt-O-Meal are cranking out dozens of dozens of little cookies to fill bags of new Cold Stone Creamery and mainline Malt-O-Meal Cookie Bites.

Cookie Doughn’t You Want Some is the latest (and most cumbersomely named) entry in Malt-O-Meal’s partnership with Cold Stone Creamery, which launched with the lame party of Birthday Cake Remix and fantastically grahamed Our Strawberry Blonde.

The Cold Stone flavor this is modeled on is popular for a reason. It includes “French Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Chips, Cookie Dough, Fudge and Caramel,” i.e. the only things a human needs for eternal happiness. Cookies Doughn’t You Want Some appears to simplify the formula a great deal, only boasting cookie dough-flavored cereal with marshmallows. I sincerely hope the cookie dough base brings more nuanced, buttery or eggy richness than other cookie cereals, rather than this just being Cookie Crisp with Marbits.

Because then I’d have to call Officer Crumb to raid M-O-M headquarters with a wrongful impersonation affidavit. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: chocolate, cinnamon, ice cream, malt-o-meal. Leave a comment

Feb. ’19

Review: Trader Joe’s Neapolitan Puffs Cereal

Let’s take a moment to admire the abject honesty of the current cereal industry. We’ve had our ups and downs, with the occasional public health outcry shaping the way our beloved commodity is branded. Sugar Frosted Flakes became Frosted Flakes. Sugar Smacks became Honey Smacks, which was refined for a period to just Smacks before reverting back to the mean. And now, in this present age of risk-taking in the breakfast aisle, companies are owning the fact that cereal is pretty much dessert. To the sugar-coated mound of donut and cookie (for breakfast?!) cereals, we’ve also seen the advent of ice cream offerings.

I’d be remiss to not point out that Cocoa Puffs did not invent the concept. As with so many deliciously carbed rituals, the Italians did it first. So while Sicilians are enjoying their literal gelato sandwiches early in the day, apparently the norm in Naples is that unique blend of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate for which the region is named. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Sonny’s history lesson is a little vague on that one.

Trader Joe’s inexplicably decided to counter the Neapolitan Cocoa Puffs with… Neapolitan Puffs Cereal. But it’s what’s under the hood that counts, and Joe has made some special modifications. TJ looked at a fairly good cereal that does not contain beans and said, “No. This will not do.” Instead of corn, oat, or even wheat, Neapolitan Puffs is made with a similar blend of beans found in the divisive LoveGrown cereals.

Personally, I quite like the subtle beany aftertaste and uniquely forgiving crunch of Comet Crispies. At the same time, I respect that it’s not everyone’s jam (if peanuts are a legume, does that make peanut butter just bean jam?), so you can expect a fair assessment here, as well. Continue reading →

Posted by jared m.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, chocolate, ice cream, strawberry, trader joe's, vanilla. Leave a comment