News: Kellogg’s Halloween Cereals are Getting a Monstrous Marshmallow Upgrade!

Someone call Wilmer Valderrama, because this is a Yo Momma-worthy rivalry in the breakfast world.

See, I don’t think Kellogg’s timely decision to turn their 3 flagship spookily spoonable flavors—Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, and Chocolate Frosted Flakes, all with (formerly skeletal) marshmallows—into awesomely characterized, diversely ‘mallowed jack-o’-lantern glow-upped versions of themselves was a mere aimless gesture.

Between the conveniently bat, Frankenstein, and ghost-shaped marshmallows and the doubtfully accidental pairing of werewolf and mummy costumes, this feels like a direct wink at General Mills’ Monster Cereals. Big K’s consonant hat tip couldn’t have been timed better, either: with rapidly staling box art returning this year instead of new looks for Count, Frank, and Boo (seemingly the only reanimated Monsters this year), I’m much more excited about this trio of immersively designed delights.

I mean, how couldn’t I? Tony looks like he could tell me that man is nothing but a miserable pile of secrets any minute!

Thanks to Hillary H. for sharing the news of these—you can view them on Walmart’s website.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. 4 Comments

Aug. ’18

News: Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Frozen Yogurt Hits Menchie’s!

Fresh off of their Honey Smacks salmonella crisis, Kellogg’s is trying a more cultured approach to bringing bacteria into their cereals: frozen yogurt, colloquially known as froyo, and more sinisterly known as frogurt.

And it’s all happening at Menchie’s, one of a whole phylum’s worth of build-your-own, pay-by-weight froyo free-for-all joints that, while they may be waning in popularity, certainly aren’t wavering on creativity.

In the second cereal x frozen yogurt crossover we’ve seen this summer, Tony the Tiger—who conspicuously appears here in his old, not-uncannily-CGI’d design—is helping Menchie’s infuse his Cinnamon Frosted Flakes right into the very core of their pumped-up product.

Made with real cinnamon and presumably accompanied by an easily-underestimated tub of actual cereal pieces for sprinklin’, this promising flavor (officially and redundantly titled “Cinnamon Frosted Cereal made with Kellogg’s® Cinnamon Frosted Flakes) will likely still have to do a lot of work to pull people away from the chain’s multitude of other elaborate concepts.

COOKIES ‘N CREAM CHEESECAKE MADE WITH OREO® COOKIE PIECES froyo, anyone? (Their all caps, not mine)

Look for this taste in your local Menchie’s starting yesterday. And if you decide to mix gummy worms into it, please invite me to your funeral.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Aug. ’18

News: General Mills Monster Cereals are Oozing Back into Stores

(Image via General Mills)

Have you heard the howling?

I only ask because, after General Mills’ soft announcement of Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry Monster Cereals has left some monsterholics (not to be confused with the far less tame Monsterholics) a bit disappointed.

Typically built up with some sort of anticipation, early word on this breakfast time trio isn’t promising. It largely serves as a formal announcement of the Monster Crunch board game and puzzle, and it responds to fans’ collective clamoring for 20th century favorites Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy’s return by saying their board game presence is an introduction of sorts. Their non-appearance has since been externally confirmed.

Whether this means they’ll debut at a later time or only in merchandise is unclear, but given that General Mills’ blog post states the Monster Cereals will be hitting shelves soon, that must mean their creative production is complete. So it stands to reason that the presence of last year’s boxes in the photo probably means we won’t be getting a new gimmick or art style this time around the corn husk-laden crypt.

Hey, at least we’ll be able to channel our emotions into spirited cardboard competition.

Now that’s just my prediction. I’ll eat my words with marshmallows if I’m wrong, but until we learn more, I’m just gonna sit here with the Monsters Go Disco on repeat and hope they at least reintroduce two other classic, fan favorite monsters: Dr. Oat & Mr. Flour.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: monster cereals. 11 Comments

Jul. ’18

Review: Malt-O-Meal & Cold Stone Creamery Our Strawberry Blonde Cereal

Are you prepared for this responsibility?

I sure hope so, because we already have this Strawberry Blonde. It’s not just your Strawberry Blonde or my Strawberry Blonde.

This is Our Strawberry Blonde, so if you weren’t ready to telekinetically eat this cereal with me, then you shouldn’t have decided to trade your usual Cocoa Krispies for an infant-sized bag containing a revolutionary gastronomic feat that blends honey graham squares (Golden Grahams who had their identities stolen), strawberry puffs (rarely seen pieces that I hope were stolen from the JIF PB&J dumpster at the Kellogg’s factory), and the perennial favorite: “marshmallows” (looking as amorphously rotund as always).

It’s a daring pairing, but after witnessing the transformative taste bud magic of Malt-O-Meal and Cold Stone Creamery’s other cereal pairing, I wouldn’t be surprised if this reunification of three potent cereal powers turns saucily sorcerous.

Care to scream with me?

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, graham, ice cream, malt-o-meal, marshmallows, strawberry. 10 Comments

Jul. ’18

Review: Quaker Peanut Butter & Honey Oatmeal

I love unconventional pairings.

Sure, peanut butter & honey might not be that strange, but compared to those square food pairs—PB&J, Chocolate & Peanut Butter, Chocolate Strawberry: you know I love you, but it’s been done, mate—PB&H belong more with other alt combos like Banana Maple, Raisin Walnut & Honey, or Coconut & Caramel.

Hey, I guess Quaker Oats is pretty good at this. I predict if oatmeal flavor permeations are going to keep up this rate of release, we’ll see a flavor like this mutate into Peanut Butter & Pickle Oatmeal by 2020.

But until then, let’s dive into a piping hot bowl of freshly microwaved Honey Butters & Oats. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, honey, oatmeal, peanut butter, quaker. 3 Comments

Jul. ’18

News: Orange Cream & Strawberry Milkshake Rice Krispies Treats are Coming Soon!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BljCl1pgFwe/

I’ve always thought that the only way that an Orange Julius or a strawberry shake better could be better is if they crackled when you ate them. It would be so festive.

But now thanks to Snap, Crackle, & Pop, I can nearly realize my dream of carbonated milkshakes, as a pair of dessertified Rice Krispies Treats—Orange Cream and Strawberry Milkshake—have already been spotted on Target’s cereal sonar system, thanks to Snack Stalker and Candy Hunting.

Rice Krispies’ last attempt at sweet Treats ended up tasting like normal R.C.T.’s (not to be confused with Rollercoaster Tycoons) in festive but tasteless outfits. Nevertheless, I will retain a sense of reckless optimism, mostly because even if a Rice Krispies Treat isn’t the best, it’s still a buttery marshmallow mound that you can eat faster than—

Aaaaand the whole box is gone before you even bought it.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Jul. ’18

Review: Puffins Protein Berry Burst Cereal

I have a soft spot for Puffins.

No, I’m not talking about the nevertheless adorable bird—I have a photo of a festive one hanging in my bathroom, to sum it up—this is about the Barbara’s Bakery cereal line.

The line of wholesomely crunchy pillows gets little praise, but I find its unique molasses sweetener usage comforting. Plus it knows how to do peanut butter flavor so authentically Mr. Peanut would definitely use a Puffin as a throw piece on his legume-shaped futon.

That’s why I’m excited for a chance to get comfortable, fruity, and…ripped? I know These Protein Berry Burst Puffins have been out for a while, but as they are exclusive to Whole Foods, it took me a while to get my hands on them.

So without further ado, let’s swoop in for a scoop. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, barbara's, puffins. Leave a comment

Jul. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: New Quaker Instant Oatmeal Flavors

Debuting like a crossover Oatmeal x Power Rangers trio of color-coded flavors that, while they may not be nougaty, still look like Three Tempting Muskateers.

I spotted these at Walmart, and I think they were shelved in the correct order of most to least exciting. Peanut Butter & Banana sounds like a Gracelandic delight, but I’ve observed that steaming hot banana flavoring tends to get unreliable when interacting with oats.

And Coconut & Caramel? That’s just slightly obscure enough of a flavor pairing that I can’t even appetizingly wrap my mind’s tongue around it.

But peanut butter & honey? That’s just slightly overindulgent enough to leave my inner child—who has a fondness for maple syrup & peanut butter sandwiches, of all things—fuelin’ up my microwave for an alt-nostalgic marathon.

Which flavor are you most excited for? Feel free to share in the comments. And if you’ve seen some cool new cereal finds while shopping, shoot them over to our Submissions page!

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: oatmeal. 1 Comment